Broken
by mebwrites
Summary: A one-shot of how Jacob spent his time in the woods in the epilogue of Eclipse and what would be going through his head.


A One-Shot of Jacob's mindset in the epilogue of Eclipse/beginning of Breaking Dawn. I absolutely love Jacob, and I hate how he comes off as arrogant in Eclipse because he is trying to win Bella over. I feel like he is portrayed in such a way that makes him seem unaware of the fact that Bella doesn't love him, (especially because she does!) when really he just wants her to change her mind and pick him. So this is what I thought would be going on in Jacob's head. I hope you enjoy, and let me know what you think! :)

**Broken**

Today, I want to die. Or at least cease to be.

Faint echoes flash through the treetops with the accompanying sound of wing flutters. I scratch the nail of my paw in the rocky earth, tearing at the damp soil. My nail leaves a single pitted gash in the ground, and I marvel at my minuscule effect on the world. For one tenth of a second I stare at the dirt, but then turn away scowling. It figures; the one thing I could influence is of no importance to me.

My body lifts itself off the ground on its own accord; I have almost no consciousness in doing anything. I bound over to a tree and start to pounce before I realize there's a shuffling rat behind it. My paws grab at it instinctually, but I don't eat it. The little rat looks at me, with pleading beady eyes, and for a second I consider. But the flat black of its eyes remind me too much of eyes set in the face of someone I hate. I crush the creature in my hands with one forceful push.

Color shimmers behind my eyelids as I start to lie down under the canopy of the forest. Voices enter my head without invitation; pleads and whines that I'm tired of hearing. I've considered on numerous occasions to shift back to human for just a while, just to get those voices out of my thoughts. Quil usually grumbles into my head, begging in a patronizing tone. Embry blatantly pleads. I never answer back, so they understand. _Not today_, they think in unison, and then Sam chastises them to leave me alone. I can't muster up the energy to roll my eyes. Not today.

My entire body feels cold and empty, despite the pounds of fur and muscle. I can't feel the blood pumping through my veins. There's no jolt of heat traveling under my skin. And I suddenly realize why. My chest is empty. My heart is miles away, in a small town named Forks.

Embry tries one more time, beckoning to me. His shameless pleads only make the situation worse; I hate thinking about my cowardice. I left my friends, my pack, to escape the pain. My emotional stability seemed like too high a price to pay. I had already given up everything, _everything_ within my power.

But had I?

Was I sitting here, wasting precious and limited moments? Was I too busy sulking to realize I was being egotistical? Was I making a huge mistake?

It would be foolish of me to believe I still had a chance to be with Bella. Ignorant, even. Bella had made her decision, and that decision, however painfully, had not involved me. But she was my best friend, and I couldn't help it; I loved her with all my heart. So maybe she was about to marry my enemy. So maybe she was about to throw her life away to spend eternity as a vampire. Did that make her any less Bella? Did that make her any less of _my_ Bella?

Bella. Her face flashed through my mind, pale and beautiful, a hesitant and playful smile playing around her rose petal lips. I hadn't seen her face in two months, save for the blurred images in Leah's thoughts made to torment me. It had been too long, and my body was crushing under the loneliness.

Sam suddenly pops into my head. _I just wanted to let you know that we are heading to the wedding. We'll save a seat, _he thinks and takes a long pause_, just in case. _His presence fades away as my resolve solidifies.

My paws hit the ground with the full force of my adrenaline, and I use it to launch myself silently through the forest. Green and brown fly by me as I approach the edge of trees. I break through the last of the foliage just as the sky begins to darken. I screech to a halt, and my legs ache from the sudden stop of motion. In front of me the long grey roads of La Push scream with welcoming. I bend my neck so that I can pull my black sweat pants from the chord encircling my calf, and drop them to the ground. It's been so long since I last phased that I'm almost tentative, and have to really focus my attention. I close my eyes as fire rips through me and I feel that sudden, familiar burst.

I reach for my sweats, this time with long cracked fingers. My eyes have to adjust slightly, now that I stand erect almost 7 feet above the ground. I breathe in the salty air as a car cruises down the winding road. The dark blue car, with a flashing red light on top, sends a jolt of recognition through me, and I take off down the road as fast as I can.

Today, I felt lost; useless. But somehow, everything is going to be okay.


End file.
